A glimpse into the (confused) female mind

“What do women want?” is a question that’s likely been asked by puzzled men trillions of times, and the response, “Couldn’t tell you, man,” has been repeated by the sympathetic friend almost as often.

And guys, you’ve been suffering long enough. I’ll let the cat out of the long-sealed bag.

Are you ready? Here it is:

We want to be happy. It’s as simple as that.

Now, I’ll admit each woman’s definition of “happy” may vary. But if you care enough to want to make a woman happy and actually take the time and energy to ask what makes her happy, you’re likely going to find yourself on her good side and on a path to possible success.

If a woman says chocolate makes her happy, buy her a damn chocolate bar. It’s that simple. Listening to what she says and then acting on it will gain you so many points in the female’s mind.

And here’s a bonus suggestion: surprise presents (almost) always work. Seriously, flowers run at about $5-8 at your local grocery store, and you’re going to get a smile; just make sure she’s not allergic first.

Now that I’ve cracked the secret code, I’ll share something else:

Women don’t understand what you people want from us either.

I’ve read magazines and blogs, talked to a lot of ladies and even asked multiple guys. It may surprise you to find out every person says something different.

“Guys want an easy woman who wants sex all the time.” “Guys want a woman who keeps him thinking.” “Guys want a woman who reminds him of his mother so he feels safe.” “Guys want a woman who looks like Megan Fox.” “Lady on the streets, freak in the sheets.” “Boobs.” “There’s nothing sexier than a woman with a brain.”

The list is infinite. But you can see how we might get confused; one minute you weirdos prefer to see cleavage and the next you want us to cover up. One minute you like us and the next you prefer that girl from Tinder. The confusion never ends.

And if — God forbid — we ask you what you want too soon after meeting, you think things are getting too serious and take a step back. And if we simply act like ourselves and tell you what we’re looking for, it’s too honest; and again, you take a step back.

I recognize changing yourself to attract a man contradicts feminism and is non-progressive, but women still do it. Why? Because we want to be happy. And for some reason, hairy, smelly, gassy men sometimes make us happy.

And we want to find a good one. One that wants to make us happy. One that buys a woman flowers as a surprise and tells her she looks pretty. Because no matter how progressive a woman is, it’s always nice to feel wanted and beautiful.

So while you may think it’s a challenge to discover what each individual woman wants, it’s really not that hard. Take the time to ask her. Really, dude, that’s all you have to do. And then, maybe, tell her what you want too, because in all likelihood she’ll be wondering what you’re looking for from her. If she can get a glimpse into your mind and she sees you care, it’ll help her to calm the hell down.

And once everyone’s honest and knows what the other person wants, it’s a whole heck of a lot easier to relax and really get to know each other.

Because that’s what guys want, right?

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